As Danielle Pontel sits on the off-white couch in her Greenfield apartment, she seems calmed, relaxed. Her hair is pulled into a ponytail, and stray strands from around her face are pinned back.
But while the College of Arts and Sciences sophomore looks collected, she says her mind is running 100 miles a minute through a list of responsibilities longer than that of most Marquette students. Danielle, 19, is not only a full-time student, but the mother of two-year-old “Miss Haidenne.”
Three years ago, Danielle was your typical over-achieving high school student growing up in Whitewater, Wis. An athlete and honor student, Danielle said she knew early on she wanted to attend Marquette and either pursue a career as a pediatrician or prosecution lawyer. She even earned her CNA while in high school to be a nursing assistant, and she took criminology courses at the local technical college in addition to her regular coursework. “I was one of those kids who was doing as much as they could to find scholarships when I was really young,” she said.
Unsettling feelings and nervous thoughts
During the month before her junior year started, she said she started to feel funny. At first she thought, “Oh, there’s no way I’m pregnant.” She was using birth control and she and her boyfriend of one year, Danny, used protection. But the feeling kept bothering her. She decided to buy a pregnancy test to calm her nerves, but the results of the test would change the athlete and honor student’s life forever.
When the test turned positive, she didn’t believe it at first, so she bought three different pregnancy tests. But they all showed the same result. Danielle said she sat in her room and cried until her mother got home from work and – using her motherly intuition – asked if she was pregnant.
Danielle stayed in for the entire weekend, until her confidence built up. She said she contemplated adoption for about two seconds and never even thought about having an abortion. So she concluded, “I really don’t have a choice, so I might as well make the best of this.”
Self-consciousness and day-to-day adjustments
As the year progressed, Danielle missed out on many of the activities her peers participated in. She couldn’t hang out on the weekends or go to football games. On the day of her high school homecoming pep rally, Danielle left school early because she had too much morning sickness.
In the early months, Danielle was selective in who she told about her pregnancy. At first she didn’t tell anyone, and then she confided in a few friends. Her friends’ reactions were defining of her friendships, she said.
Further along in her pregnancy, Danielle had many moments when she was very self-conscious. Being pregnant at 17 and from a small town wasn’t easy, both in and outside of school. She oftentimes sat at the back of class because the desks were uncomfortable. Once, a teacher who didn’t know she was pregnant even commented critically about how many times she needed to use the bathroom during class. But even with uncomfortable moments, she said didn’t lose confidence.
“Feeling her kick in the middle of class and knowing there was something growing inside of me, always reassured me of my decision, and she let me know everything would be ok,” she said.
Cura personalis
Although Danielle is cognizant of the fact that being a mother as well as a full-time student puts her in a unique position, she said she usually doesn’t tell her professors unless it directly affects her work or something unexpected happens at home.
When Haidenne struggled with pneumonia last semester, Danielle missed some classes to stay home to take care of her. Danielle said she told a few professors why she missed several classes, and they helped her manage her schoolwork while Haidenne recovered.
“A lot of professors have done more than enough to help me and accommodate my situation,” Danielle said. “[They] have proven to be a lot more understanding than I thought they would be.”
If she is facing a tough situation, Danielle said she wants her professors to be aware of and understand her situation – but without any nuance of pity. “I don’t want them to think I’m just skipping out on class because I’m lazy or partying,” she said.
Across campus, students can find posters or displays with one of Marquette’s banner phrases, “Cura Personalis,” which means care for the whole person. In Danielle’s interactions with professors, they have not only accommodated her when she needed help managing her schoolwork but one professor even gave her tips on how to distress and relax at home.
Balancing act
Danielle maintains a rigorous schedule as a mother, student and employee. Last year, she took early morning classes five days a week so she could be done on campus by noon. After classes, she spent about an hour with Haidenne and then worked until 10 p.m. But even though her work shift was over, she wasn’t done for the day yet. After work, Danielle returned to campus to study and do her homework at the library until late hours in the night – sometimes as late as 3 a.m. Then finally, she went back to her apartment for a few hours of sleep before starting her day again at 5 a.m.
“I ended up becoming physically and emotionally exhausted last year,” she said. “There were some nights when [Haidenne] would be moved from her crib to her bassinette, and I wouldn’t even remember it because I did it in my sleep.”
So this year, Danielle is trying another style schedule. She takes five classes in a row on Tuesdays and Thursdays, so she can spend three days a week home with Haidenne.
She is currently pursuing majors in criminology and law studies, and has aspirations to go to law school.
Future bright ahead
Like every other parent, Danielle said she is looking forward to all of Haidenne’s growing moments.
“My baby’s going to pre-school in a year and a half, what am I going to do with myself?” Danielle said.
More than anything, she said this experience has helped her perspective on life and her approach to the future.
“When you have a baby, you realize what’s really important in life.”
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